{"product_id":"adult-tee-i-am-not-emused","title":"Adult - I am NOT Emused","description":"*Hello, Humans, Do I Emuse you? \u003cbr\u003e\nNo?    Then this is the Shirt for You!\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis isn't just a shirt; it’s a feather-soft revolution for your human torso.\u003cbr\u003e\nI’ve personally vetted the Specs while sprinting at 30-35 miles per hour.\u003cbr\u003e\n•\tSoftness Level: 100% airlume combed cotton. Softer than my own underbelly.\u003cbr\u003e\n•\tThe \"Ash\" Exception: 99% cotton, 1% polyester. I don't know what polyester is, but it tastes like progress.\u003cbr\u003e\n•\tRetail Fit: Designed to make you look like a sleek, flightless predator...sexxy.\u003cbr\u003e\n•\tThe Construction: Coverstitched collar and sleeves. Strong enough to survive a territorial dispute.\u003cbr\u003e\n•\tShoulder Taping: Keeps the shape when you’re frantically flapping your arms.\u003cbr\u003e\n•\tTear Away Label: Because itchy necks are for big dumb Ostriches.\u003cbr\u003e\n•\tPre-shrunk: Unlike my patience for slow walkers.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n*Wear it...Admire it...Strut in it. ~Dennis\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n","brand":"Dennis' Emusing T-Shirts and Swag","offers":[{"title":"Sage \/ XS","offer_id":49653756788975,"sku":"7060001_22049","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sage \/ S","offer_id":49653756821743,"sku":"7060001_22050","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sage \/ M","offer_id":49653756854511,"sku":"7060001_22051","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sage \/ L","offer_id":49653756887279,"sku":"7060001_22052","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sage \/ XL","offer_id":49653756920047,"sku":"7060001_22053","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sage \/ 2XL","offer_id":49653756952815,"sku":"7060001_22054","price":27.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Teal \/ XS","offer_id":49653757182191,"sku":"7060001_22058","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Teal \/ S","offer_id":49653757214959,"sku":"7060001_22059","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Teal \/ M","offer_id":49653757247727,"sku":"7060001_22060","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Teal \/ L","offer_id":49653757280495,"sku":"7060001_22061","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Teal \/ XL","offer_id":49653757313263,"sku":"7060001_22062","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Teal \/ 2XL","offer_id":49653757346031,"sku":"7060001_22063","price":27.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Prism Lilac \/ XS","offer_id":49653757378799,"sku":"7060001_9578","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Prism Lilac \/ S","offer_id":49653757411567,"sku":"7060001_9374","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Prism Lilac \/ M","offer_id":49653757444335,"sku":"7060001_9375","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Prism Lilac \/ L","offer_id":49653757477103,"sku":"7060001_9376","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Prism Lilac \/ XL","offer_id":49653757509871,"sku":"7060001_9377","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Prism Lilac \/ 2XL","offer_id":49653757542639,"sku":"7060001_9378","price":27.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Tan \/ XS","offer_id":49653757575407,"sku":"7060001_14673","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Tan \/ S","offer_id":49653757608175,"sku":"7060001_14674","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Tan \/ M","offer_id":49653757640943,"sku":"7060001_14675","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Tan \/ L","offer_id":49653757673711,"sku":"7060001_14676","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Tan \/ XL","offer_id":49653757706479,"sku":"7060001_14677","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Tan \/ 2XL","offer_id":49653757739247,"sku":"7060001_14678","price":27.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XS","offer_id":49653757968623,"sku":"7060001_9526","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":49653758001391,"sku":"7060001_4011","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":49653758034159,"sku":"7060001_4012","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":49653758066927,"sku":"7060001_4013","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":49653758099695,"sku":"7060001_4014","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":49653758132463,"sku":"7060001_4015","price":27.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0814\/9198\/4623\/files\/unisex-staple-t-shirt-mint-front-6a21b35c40fc9.jpg?v=1780593531","url":"https:\/\/dennis-emusing-t-shirts-and-swag.myshopify.com\/products\/adult-tee-i-am-not-emused","provider":"Dennis' Emusing T-Shirts and Swag","version":"1.0","type":"link"}